What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
