Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
