where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
