Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
