Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
