Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
