so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he puts the penis in happiness.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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