I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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