and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I supernannyed him into submission
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
