lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
