Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
