3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I enjoy the company of your penis
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