I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
