I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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