If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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