I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
