sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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