The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
