Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
