Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
