Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
