Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
