like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
