a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize