i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
