he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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