I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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