Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
