what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
