My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
