I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
