we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can you bring me the toilet please
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
