I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
