Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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