i think my mom watched the whole time
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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