So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
