My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
