Sry I called you an 8
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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