as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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