I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
is it fun? or sober?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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