I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
