Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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