it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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