after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
