btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
