I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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