why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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