she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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