My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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