he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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