You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
